Break my Heart
by LadyMarissaGarmadon
Summary: Misako has to care for Lloyd on her own for six months after Garmadon leaves her. She cries and tries to move on with little Lloyd trailing behind her with the tissue box because he knows her better when she says "I'm alright". A broken heart takes time to heal.


Everything seemed normal that morning. Misako assumed Garmadon left early as she was getting cereal like what her little son had asked for. The phone rang so naturally she picked it up, wondering if it was her husband who was calling since he never woke her up to say he was leaving. She carried the plastic bowl across the tiled room, "Hello?" she smiled.

It was Wu though. She never had the chance to say anything more because he cut right to the chase. The sudden news he told her made her hand go limp and dropped the bowl on the floor, making a mess. "What do you mean he's gone!?" she shakily asked. There was a beeping noise on the other end, "WU?!" she shouted.

Misako looked back at Lloyd who was peeking inside, wondering what the loud noise was, "Mommy?" he looked up with his wide green eyes.

She tried not to show him she was shaking as she hung the phone up again and slowly walked across the room to her son, picking him up and holding him close to her. "I… everything's okay Lloyd…" she bit her lip; trying not to cry in front of him. "It was your uncle is all…" she looked back, "Come on… help momma clean up the mess and you can have your cereal… okay?"

The little blonde toddler nodded and she set him down. She couldn't freak out in front of him, and she didn't even know what she was freaking out over. Wu just said such a blanket statement. She would have to go up there and ask him herself if that was the case.

Before she could head out the door though, Wu came to her. Lloyd at first was all excited, thinking it was his father at the door. He was a bit disappointed to see his uncle standing there instead but hugged him all the same. "I know you probably are wondering what that was all about…" he quietly asked Misako. He looked terrified himself. "Last night Garmadon tried to kill me and steal the golden weapons… he was cursed to the Underworld and… I can't tell you how sorry I am it happened..."

Lloyd probably wasn't paying much attention but Misako could feel her green eyes welling up with tears again and she squeezed them shut, covering her face. Lloyd looked over curiously at his mom, wondering what his uncle told her that made her sad. The four year old tugged at her sleeve and she looked over, pulling him onto her lap and hugging him tightly. Though he didn't understand, he hugged her back.

"I'm sorry… if there's anything you need…"

"You can't behave like that…" she snapped at him. "I need him here… I can't take care of Lloyd and work all on my own…"

Wu sighed, "I could always just…"

"No…" she shook her head, "I… I can't ask that…" she felt her son's little arms hug her back more tightly, "I'm just going to have to move out of here eventually…" she felt like having a complete break down now, "but there's one thing I'm certain of…" Wu looked up, not knowing what she was going to say, "I can't be near you anymore…" she stood up, "It's time you leave now Wu…"

Lloyd looked up at Misako and then back at Wu. He knew they were friends, but was he the reason that his mom was crying? Something must have happened to his dad. The mere thought made him rather scared at the idea he father was gone.

Wu left though just like she asked without another word to either of them.

* * *

><p>"Mommy…" Lloyd followed her around the house like a little shadow. "Mommy… why you cry?" she hugged herself, wondering what she was going to do. She had never felt like this before. She was sad before, but nothing like this. She felt so small and helpless; kind of like what Lloyd must be feeling now. She looked behind and the little four year old was holding a clump of tissues, he offered them up to her.<p>

She lay down, cuddling the little boy close, "I'm crying because… I'm really sad…" she admitted to him. "I'm sad because daddy's gone away… and I don't know when he'll be able to come back home…" she felt her son kiss her cheek. "I love you Lloyd… and daddy loves you… I hope he still does anyways…" she whispered the last part so he wouldn't hear.

"How can I stop you from crying?" Lloyd asked her.

She half heartedly chuckled and nuzzled him closer, "Oh… sweetie… you make me so happy… even though I'm crying… I'm afraid there's not much you can do right now honey… I just have to be strong for both of us… you… you shouldn't have to worry about a thing because I'm going to take care of you by myself… we're just going to have to move soon…" she sighed.

They fell asleep together, though it was more broken for Misako who drifted in and out. _"I have no idea what I'm going to do… I can ask for a raise… and Lloyd will have to come in to work with me… and then there's finding a new place to live where I can afford it…"_

It hurt too much to think about but she couldn't stop the scary thoughts. She and Garmadon made all the decisions together, she would be the voice of reason but all on her own now, she was questioning everything she planned to do. She was supposed to be the one with the answers.

* * *

><p>The next morning she couldn't miss work. Lloyd trailed along behind her like the day before, looking around at the huge lobby of the museum. His mother took his small hand, guiding him around as he looked on. "I don't have anyone who can watch you so you're going to be a big boy today and be good… right?" she smiled a little.<p>

"Yea!" he looked back at her.

Someone else was already in the office when she opened the door and came in with Lloyd. "Oh… Garmadon couldn't watch him today?" Lloyd felt her hand tighten around his.

She waited moment before answering, "Yea… he went over to his brother's last he told me but it's no problem… he's a good boy… uh…" she picked Lloyd up, "You… think Mr. Wilson would give me a raise if I asked for one?"

"Well that's an odd question but yea I guess… though I don't think he's in the best mood… he tried to get your brother in-law to give some artifacts and stuff temporarily because he wanted to display them for a new exhibit he wants you to work on about the beginning of Ninjago… we found some old scrolls and turns out… Wu was nowhere to be found and neither the weapons when Daniel went up to the monastery…"

Misako knew he probably went off on some quest to hide them so no one could dare try and take them; that made her think of Garmadon. "Earth to Misako?" she looked up. "Hey… you… are you okay?" the other woman asked, now looking genuinely concerned.

The light brunette shook her head and wiped her eyes with her free hand. Lloyd sympathetically looked over and hugged her around her neck, kissing her cheek. "I don't think I'll ever be okay again… Wu took them off because Garmadon was banished to the Underworld…" she sat down in the nearest chair. "And now I don't know what to do Sonia… how am I going to take care of Lloyd and find a new place and…" she hiccupped.

The darker skinned girl patted her shoulder, "I'm sorry Mimi… I'm… I'm really sorry… if you need anything please… I'm always here for you… I know it won't help much… I get that you and Garmadon were inseparable… so… you know… I'll do your work today and say you came in and did it… okay? Just get yourself sorted out because if the director comes in and sees you like this it won't help much with the raise you want…"

"Thank you," she hiccupped again.

* * *

><p>It became harder and harder to get out of bed let alone to wake up over the next weeks. Lloyd woke up first, every morning around seven and jumped on the bed until she gave in and got up to make him something to eat. It gave her something to do at least and it was routine. For a four year old, he was very helpful in that way.<p>

"Mommy…" he shook her shoulder. "Wake up…" he yawned, rubbing his eye, remembering she fell asleep on the couch while looking over her museum work. "Sleep time…" she looked at her watch and sighed, picking him up and tucking him into bed next to her. She found a nice little four room space near the museum, enough for the two to share. She and Lloyd shared the small twin sized bed which was no problem for her; she didn't want to sleep by herself anyways and couldn't afford a second one anyways.

"Lloyd…you've been such a good boy for me…" she kissed the top of his head. "Thanks for helping me so far…" she pulled out something, "This is for you, okay?" she unfolded it. It was a black sweater with a skeletal pattern and a green five on it. He looked excited enough as he slipped it on over his head. "Little big… but… you can wear for years… and… no matter what… when you wear it… daddy and I are right there with you…"

He hugged her tightly and stoked his soft blonde hair. "I love it…" he whispered to her.

* * *

><p>He sat in her lap as she sat at the desk, occupied with sucking on a lollipop while she was looking at old scrolls and came across a new one. Being she was the head of her department, she pretty much knew ancient languages frontwards and backwards. This was one with five colored figures on it, though it was about one. "The green ninja…" she whispered and read on. She looked down at her son who was quite entertained playing around with his flopping sleeves, as he finished his candy.<p>

More dread washed over her because she knew it couldn't be anyone else. She had to leave the room to pace and hyperventilate. "No… no no no… not my Lloyd… not him… not my husband… they can't…" she sat on the floor against a wall, pulling her knees to her chest. "Not my family…" she felt like crying all over again. "This can't be happening… I have to stop this…" If it was bad enough she and Lloyd were on their own… this was the icing on the 'my life sucks' cake.

Lloyd knocked on the bathroom door, "Mommy, I'm hungry…"

She swallowed, trying not to sound like she was scared, "Of course baby, I'm coming out in a second…" she stood up. "How can I do all of this? Wu's gone off… Garmadon is… and now Lloyd…" she held her face in her hands, "What am I gonna do…?" she kept asking herself.

* * *

><p>She watched Lloyd drink from his sippy cup happily. He just turned five the other day and would also start school soon which left her with even more of a knot in her stomach. "Hey sweetie…" Lloyd looked over. "I… I was thinking that… Sonia can come by while I run out for a bit… okay?" she asked.<p>

"Why can't I come?" he looked upset being she took him everywhere and he rather enjoyed going out with her.

She smiled, "Because you would find it boring… like when you come to work…" she ruffled his hair. "I won't be out for too long I promise… I just have to go and do something on my own…" He shifted his shoulders and nodded.

* * *

><p>Every boarding school in Ninjago was either filled up or just too plain expensive. She sighed loudly, crossing another name off her list. "This isn't going to be easy I guess…" she shook her head and looked at her watch. "I should get back…" she trudged to a bus stop.<p>

On the way though; she stopped, looking at the sign that hung next to the walkway. Misako bit her lip when she read it. "Darkly's School for Bad Boys…" she tapped her foot, almost considering it a possibility. She already started hearing rumors of the great Lord Garmadon terrorizing Ninjago with the Skulkin army... maybe she could use that as an opportunity… She readjusted her hold on the bag and shook her head, going inside. "I must be out of my mind…" she held a hand to her forehead.

The principal was the one who greeted her. Misako almost felt uncomfortable in the dimly lit office_, "I'm doing this for Lloyd… I'm doing this for all of us…" _she kept trying to tell herself.

"Uh, who did you say was your son's father again?" he asked her, seeming to be partially interested in having Lloyd stay there.

She swallowed, "I… his father is well… have you heard of… Lord Garmadon?" she bit her lip. She hated calling him that but hoped it would score some points with this guy.

He looked back up at her, raising an eyebrow. "How old is your son?"

"He just turned five… school appropriate age… right?" she bounced her knee, still feeling rather awful for going through with this, part of her was hoping he would be denied like the other schools.

"I see… you can drop him off anytime this week and he seems to have a promising future if he really is the son of who you say he is… you can visit on the weekends and after school hours during the week, that will be all," he waved a hand and Misako quickly walked out.

Once outside she felt like she could breathe better and she walked the rest of the way home now that she had a sickly adrenaline running through her, _"I don't believe I just did this… I can't believe I even considered this…"_

* * *

><p>Lloyd ran to the front door when she unlocked it, a big smile on his little face. "Mommy!" he shouted with delight, holding his arms out, prompting for her to pick him up.<p>

She picked him like he wanted up and kissed his face several times, "There's my little man…" she looked back as her friend went to leave, "I'll see you tomorrow Sonia… thank you so much for watching him…" she thanked. The chestnut haired girl waved as she rounded the corner to the elevator. "Okay Lloyd… it's time to have a serious talk now… okay?" she asked.

They sat on her bed, Lloyd was wondering what it was she wanted to tell him but he was excited nonetheless. "Now… you're a big boy now… you just turned five so that means you can start school," she started with a smile, "And… I found a nice little place where you can make some new friends your age and… it's like a sleepover school so you won't have to come home often…"

Lloyd frowned, not looking so happy anymore, "Mommy… I don't wanna sleepover somewhere…" he crawled closer to her. "I like it with you!" he hugged her. "We share a bed and you tell me stories," he pouted.

"Lloyd… I… I know things have been rough the past couple of months… but… it's a nice school… I think you'll like it there and… I can come and see you when I can… I just… a lot of work has been put on me recently and I'm so sorry but I don't think I'll be able to take care of you like I use to… you understand… right?" she tilted his chin up. "I can't afford to send you to any other school… the man was nice enough to let you stay for free…"

He green eyes started to water and it sent more pangs of guilt to her heart. "Mommy… don't you want me?" he still didn't quite understand the concept she was hoping he would somewhat grasp.

She folded her arms and he sat back on his butt, "Let's get one thing straight mister, I love you more than Ninjago itself! Why would I just dump you on your own? I spent all day looking for a school kind enough to take you in… you're not being sent away because I don't love you… in fact… daddy… he… he'd like this school you're going to attend too…"

"Where is he?" he fell back on the blanket, "I miss him…"

She wiped her face; she couldn't deal with another break down. She promised herself she wouldn't in front of Lloyd anymore. She opened her mouth to try and answer him but something else happened instead. "I'm right here of course…" she clapped a hand over her mouth and looked around. "Sorry…"

She saw something come out of the shadows in the corner. "I've been afraid to say anything…" his voice came again.

"Garmadon…" she whispered. Tears pricked her eyes once more.

"Daddy!" Lloyd sat up, completely alert now and looked around. "Daddy… I see your shadow… where are you?" he looked confused.

Garmadon quietly laughed, "Sorry to say I am the shadow… at the moment…it's the only way you can see me in the living world…"

Lloyd jumped off the bed and waddled over to the shadow of his father, touching it. "I wanna hug you though…" he pouted. "I can't hug a wall!"

"Well maybe you can come to the Underworld and visit sometime Lloyd… you and mommy both…" Misako had been sitting silently on the bed the whole time. She couldn't find words at all and she started crying again. "I… I really missed mommy…"

Lloyd seemed to sigh and waddled back to her, "Momma crying again…" he grabbed a tissue and blotted her red cheeks and around her eyes under her glasses. "Momma always cries…" he pittered on; earning a laugh from Misako who took the tissue and wiped her face on her own. "No more crying," he kissed her cheek and sat back down.

"Thank you Lloyd…" she whispered then looked back to her husband. "And… you want us to come to the Underworld?" she asked, not believing he asked that.

"Right now!" Lloyd shouted, demanding that they go. "I wanna see daddy!"

Misako looked unsure and Garmadon looked down, "Maybe… maybe you shouldn't… I would hate to make you come all the way down here… maybe your mother can't… make the trip…"

Lloyd turned to Misako, "Mommy… pleeeeeeeease?" How could she say no to those irresistible eyes? It reminded her of Garmadon whenever he wanted something from her or tried to drag her along on a silly adventure when they were kids. They were her own weakness.

She let out a sigh; "It sounds like you'll go either way…" she shook her head and kissed his forehead, finding the strength to get up. She stepped towards the shadow and she looked up at it. "I guess you should know… what I've been put through…"

"Excellent…" he said. When she placed her hand on the wall it was almost like the shadow pulled her through, holding Lloyd. "Well… welcome to my new home…"

Lloyd squinted, "Its' dark…"

"Everything's always dark here…" Misako whispered to him, bouncing him a little. "When did… when did you learn that trick?" she swallowed. "You've only been gone for a few months…"

"Fast learner…" Garmadon shrugged. She couldn't believe how he changed when he left her. "I know I look… different…" he looked away. Lloyd didn't seem to care because he wriggled out of his mother's hold and ran straight to his father who accepted him, hugging him tightly back. "Oh Lloyd… I missed you… I missed you two so much…"

"You get lonely down here?" Lloyd frowned.

"All the time…" Garmadon answered with a nod. "I'm… sorry to say this was not the first night I've watched you… I was… I guess you could say scared of what you would think of me… after what Wu has told you…"

Misako looked at Lloyd, then back t her husband, "He said you tried to kill him," it felt difficult to talk. She coughed, "I have been… on my own… I've been depressed…" she wiped one eye, trying to look away. "And Lloyd's going to school tomorrow… right Lloyd?"

"YEA!" he nodded happily.

"How was your fifth birthday?" Garmadon asked his five year old. "Did you have fun?"

"Me and mommy always have fun… she takes me to her job and I help her," he nodded, looking proud he did mature stuff. "And mommy gave me this," he pulled back and showed him the oversized sweater, "She's the best…"

"Yea…" Garmadon trailed off and looked at his wife who had her arms folded around herself, trembling. "Lloyd… can… can I just talk to mommy… alone for a moment? We won't be very long…" the two stepped out into a hall way. "Misako I had no idea you both-"

"Please save it…" she cut him off. "I lost the house not long after you left… I had to work extra hours if I wanted an raise and I have to take work home and…" she looked away, trying not to start sobbing by thinking about everything that had been going on.

She took in a breath and felt she was ready to continue on what Garmadon knew as he rant; "Lloyd comes into work with me every morning… Sonia brings in donuts and we share a chocolate one… his favorite… I give him papers I signed and wrote up and he puts them in the draw like he's my good little assistant… I show him around the museum on break and he asks me to explain every exhibit… everyday… and then we ride the bus and go shopping… sometimes I get him a lollipop or a new stuffed animal because he's such a good little boy… maybe we stop at the park once in a while for an hour… then we come home and he watches something on the computer and finish my work and we eat and I tell him a story and we go to bed…"

She wasn't finished though, "That has been my life for almost six months… that has been _our_ life… a life without you… because you left me… Lloyd seems to enjoy it… maybe I've grown to like it too… but I cry when he doesn't watch me… I get up in the middle of the night and hide from him, sobbing because I have nightmares…"

"Misako, I didn't leave-"

"Why did you do it then?" she looked angry now. "Why did you even _try_ to steal them? Were you bored with me?"

Garmadon took a step back, "No! I wouldn't… I…"

She shook her head, "Garmadon please do not lie to me… I swear if you lie to me…" she sniffed, "You abandoned me… and you abandoned your son… your sweet little son who doesn't deserve to have a terrible father like you… who leaves him…" she turned around, leaning against the wall. "We… were we just not enough? Did our presence bore you? Were turning out to be a little too normal for the great… _Lord Garmadon_?"

He could tell she was fuming now because he couldn't even get a word in. "I was always there… I… I don't know what I did wrong to make you do this to me…" she looked back at him. "I was terrified… I have been in and out of depression because of this… but I hide it from Lloyd because he worries over me and you saw… even though he can't do much for me… he makes me smile… he literally tries to wipe my tears away…"

"Is that why you're dropping him off at Darkly's?" he emerald eyes widened when he asked her that, "I told you… this wasn't the first time I've been watching you… why are you sending him there if he makes you happy?"

"Because I can't afford anything more… he needs to go to school and I can't keep taking him into the museum when he should be like a normal boy…" she almost told him that Lloyd was destined to fight him one day, "And there are things you wouldn't even understand… you haven't lived with us the past months… you've been in your… your kingdom I guess…"

"Well I'm sorry I intruded upon your nice little life…" he looked at her left hand. "Still wear the ring I see…" she glanced down too at it. "I'm genuinely surprised after the way you've been talking to me tonight…"

"If you're going to behave that way… where were you? Where were months ago? If you really wanted to see me… see him… you could have reached out sooner than this…"

"I was terrified of what you would think of me…" he stepped closer. "I love you… I'm sorry I made you feel like it wasn't true anymore… you didn't bore me… Lloyd didn't bore me… I…" he looked away. "You know what I've struggled through my entire life… you married me knowing that…"

"And you became my best friend knowing that… you kissed me that first time knowing… you married me… you loved me… you gave me a baby… all knowing that…" she turned back towards him. "You can't act like I brought this upon myself because you don't want to fess up to admitting you wronged me… you wronged Wu… all of Ninjago even… and more importantly… _him_," she pointed to the door then turned to leave through it.

He watched her leave but soon followed after her back into the throne room. Lloyd looked up, wondering what happened, but before she could get away he grabbed her wrist and spun her around to face him. "I'll miss you…" he kissed her, which caught her completely off guard. After the nice moment she pulled away, shaking again.

"Come on Lloyd…" she grabbed the five year old's hand, pulling him away more. "Say bye to daddy…" she choked out.

* * *

><p>The next morning was the hard part. Lloyd sat on her lap on the bus ride over, his little bag on the seat next to her, stuffed with spare clothes and maybe a stuffed animal or two that were his favorite. <em>"Maybe this is the wrong choice…"<em>

"Mommy… you gonna come by every day?" he sat back against her with a frown. "Because I'm gonna miss you a lot if you don't…"

Now she wanted to cry, "Whenever I can find a spare time… you're going to be a good boy?" she asked.

"Yep!"

"Gonna work hard?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Gonna… gonna…"

Lloyd turned around and let out his little troubled sigh, "Momma don't cry…" he looked very serious now. "Why you cry now!?"

"I don't know…" she smiled at his sweetness. She did know though.

Lloyd looked unsure past the gate of the school he would be attending; then he glanced back at his mother who nudged him. "Go on Lloyd… you… you're going to do good here… I have to go to work now though…" Lloyd nodded and meekly stepped up more.

_"__I'm sorry my baby…"_

Lloyd looked back to wave to his mother but Misako wasn't there anymore and he looked upset too now and he went inside with a heavy heart.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" she kept saying to herself all the way to the museum. She was thankful no one was around to watch her breakdown on the side streets leading there.

"Forgive me… forgive me please…" she shook her head. "I didn't have a choice… I…" she sat on the steps and buried her face in her folded arms, "I have to save you Lloyd… I need to save you… and daddy too because I still love him… please don't be angry with me… don't be scared of your new home even though I won't be there…" she wanted to run right back there and scoop her baby up and take him away, hiding forever. "I'll come back… I swear one day I will… and we'll all be a family… I swear…"

**Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me...**

**So after I went on a mini rant on deviantart about why you should not hate Misako as much as you do (for like... the obvious and dumb reasons)... I got the idea to write a thing... I'll probably end up doing something similar in First Masters or something but I wanted this to be a stand alone just how I wrote it. I think it's safe to say this is my longest one shot of them all...**

**I really hope plenty of people read this because Misako gets discounted so many times for being an awful mother/wife/ well... person in general... like how dare she consider that marrying Wu could have made her happier in the long run... Garmadon doesn't deserve her! (yea well considering things... it looks like he almost got bored with her when he went on a power quest to steal them weapons so maybe they don't deserve each other, you know?) **

**I use to like to think the night after Garmadon fell, Lloyd was dropped off but I wanted to speculate if he lived with Misako several months afterwards, helping her just to get out of bed or to wipe away her tears. And let's face it, she and Garmadon had some issues that neither could really help, so I naturally feel sympathetic to both; **

**Garmadon being the socially awkward ball of anxiety and nightmares who kind of gets discounted for feeling how he does, even though he can't help but feel alone even after his banishment when he must feel his own family is against him, and yes, he can be an angsty drama queen which is a flaw of his own... **

**and Misako was sympathetic to it for years it seemed being she married him, but at the point where she was almost too selfless and had to be alone for so long after he left, she can't help but feel abandoned... maybe even helpless **

**basically... I think they kind of abandoned each other, neither is to blame in the end because it's actually the Devourer's fault in the first place... and poor Lloyd got caught in the middle of things and took some brunt of it... emotionally and physically... you can't say Misako up and left Lloyd because from my interpretation, Garmadon partially did the same as well. **

**I like to think after she dropped Lloyd off she had major guilt but slowly tried to get over it for 7/8 years, lying to herself eventually what she did was right, later to admit to herself and others it was wrong to make Lloyd feel abandoned because she never went back. **

**Basically, she's a character with some decent flaws that you should demonize her for because let's face it... is she REALLY the only person who has done dumb things in this show? **

**(how about when Jay, Cole, and Kai made Zane feel like crap in "Home" or maybe how Lloyd really behaved like a brat for a whole season... _he was sorry like Misako was and no one demonized him for all the bad stuff he had done. _Cole's dad also looked like a poor example of a father for not being there for his son... but guess what!? They made up in the end much like Misako and Lloyd did and everyone thought THAT was cute... but ya know... Misako should go fall of a cliff and die or something because she was a MOTHER who made a mistake...)**

** And I wrote this to express that she probably went through emotional junk because I know I would have big time...Now it's late... I am coughing like crazy... and I just had chocolate chip cookies at 12:15 at night... and now I'm hyped up on a rant...  
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**So thank you so much for reading this! **

**~Mar**


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